Hello darkness, my old friend,
I've come to talk with you again,
Because a vision softly creeping,
Left its seeds while I was sleeping,
And the vision that was planted in my brain
Within the sound of silence. Simon and Garfunkel
I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you. Dr. Seuss, "Oh the Places You'll Go"
All my life I've been surrounded by people. I had six siblings growing up, now I have five kids and three still at home. I love people. I am a "people person", this is one reason why my husband thinks a receptionist or nursing job would be good for me. But despite the fact that many times I have been surrounded by people- I have most often felt all alone. Why?
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.
Dr. Seuss, "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think it's because often although the people in my life were present physically, emotionally and otherwise they weren't really "there" for me. I'm realizing that this has had a negative effect on me and we tend to repeat the negative patterns in our lives that come as the result of living in a fallen world.
"I know we call this our home, but I still feel alone" Sanctus Real, "Lead Me"
When God told Moses the 10 Commandments on Mount Sinai He added an "addendum" to the second commandment, He said: "You shall not make for yourself a carved image—any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them." He could of stopped right there that's enough explanation, isn't it? I mean comparatively most of the other commandments are short, "(6)You shall not murder. (7)You shall not commit adultery.(8)You shall not steal. (9)You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor."
But God continued, "For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children to the third and fourth generations of those who hate Me, but showing mercy to thousands, to those who love Me and keep My commandments." Exodus 20:4-6
Wow God, in the Old Testament You seem pretty harsh, what's up with that? "Visiting iniquity"? What IS that anyways?
Well Susan it's just the consequences of hating Me. I want everyone to have a great life, you know "Live long and prosper"?
But God that's from Star Trek.
Well I said it first. I love all mankind, Susan. I sent my own Son to die for everyone. The Old Testament was before that and I was teaching people that they can't do it themselves! You can't keep the law without My help! And if I did nothing about all the evil in the world. How would that make you feel?
I guess like you didn't care.
Exactly! And "Visiting iniquity" isn't even something I do. It's a law, I've set up. You live what you see growing up. Your children DO learn more from what you ARE than what you teach! But you're always learning My Word and you see these things in your family and you're making changes and yours IS the blessed generation Susan, you and your family love Me.
Wow God really? But what about my brothers?
Well Susan, they reaped what they sowed, they had the consequences of a life lived not seeking Me and My ways. Broke your Mom's (AND your Dad's!) heart, it did. But they're HERE now and I'll tell you what, they're having a ball! That short and full of sorrow time was just a blink in light of eternity. Don't grieve for them any longer Susan rejoice! And know they're here cheering you on to victory. Don't give up! You have the blessing of My mercy.
Thank-You Lord for saving me!
Your welcome Susan!
I remember when the disciples were in a boat in a storm, thinking they were alone. Jesus had just fed five thousand people and He sent them away. Then He went up on a mountain by Himself to pray. Serving does make you tired. We need to follow Jesus' example here and REST and remembering to rest one day a week is also one of the ten commandments.
So, the disciples were terrified and then what happens? They see a ghost! Walking around on the stormy sea.
And when you're alone there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on. Dr. Seuss, "Oh the Places You'll Go"
But it was Jesus! Instantly He spoke to them, saying, Take courage! I Am! Stop being afraid!
And Peter answered Him and said, “Lord, if it is You, command me to come to You on the water.”
So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!” Matthew 14:27-30
Peter didn't just sit there after that, he had to get out of the boat! When he saw that the wind was kicking up, he was afraid and he sunk! Still, out of how many disciples- how many of them walked on water? Only Peter. Peter was also the one who failed- he sunk- and he denied Jesus three times, but Jesus knew he would! He still loved him and told him, “Simon, Simon! Indeed, Satan has asked for you, that he may sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, that your faith should not fail; and when you have returned to Me, strengthen your brethren.” (Luke 22:31-32) Peter had an "elephant"- it was fear. God helped him to overcome his fears and he was used mightily by God. So perhaps He can use you or me?
I hear something in my heart- my mind- and I say, "God is that You?" and I will actually "put out my fleece"- meaning I'll pray and flip a coin- 9 times out of 10 it's "Yes Susan that was Me" I don't always like what He's saying! "You need to block him." Not someone I've only met on facebook. I had no quams about blocking this person I never should have accepted as a friend in the first place (I'm carefuller now) who wanted to go on and on about how T.D. Jakes or Joyce Meyer are false teachers. Hello! I'm a big girl. I've been studying the Bible, Cults, Catholicism etc for a long time. I will decide for myself whose status' I will share-thank you very much. No this was someone I did not want to block and to be honest- I cried about it- but to be honest? I cry alot- especially lately. Do you ever just sit in God's presence and cry? I did that last Tuesday.
I remember Twila Paris used to sing:
They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while
'Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child
And it was Simon and Garfunkel who said, "If I never loved I never would have cried."
Last Tuesday I also didn't eat until 5:00 pm. I didn't put on any make-up or leave the house except to take Lyd to school in the morning. I worked out in my basement gym. The next day I fed the dogs cat food in the morning, so I could wait to pick some dog food up after Lyd's soccer practice. They loved the cat food- it was gone in minutes! I bought the small bag of dog food and it's about all gone now. This week we can afford the big bag that will last much longer.
Lately I've been remembering a Valentines long ago, must have been 1991 because my oldest son was an infant and Hubby and I went to a Valentines dinner with our Sunday School classes at our old church. So my daughter (My oldest) was 3 yrs old (almost 4) and my (oldest but only son at the time) son was 9 months old and I never left them! I mean except for at church and I was not far away. We were going to the base for this dinner. I had so much anxiety! He's gona cry God! I don't want him to cry for me- He doesn't take a bottle well- probably had a bottle of juice, though. At the dinner this lady sang another Twila Paris song, "Do I trust You Lord?"
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the river flow?
Do I trust You, Lord?
Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart,
You can read my mind,
And You got to know
That I would rather die
Than to lose my faith
In the One I love.
Do I trust You, Lord?
Do I trust You?
It was so hard for me to enjoy my dinner, when I knew my son was back at church with the workers in the nursery bawling! I just kept praying he'd be OK. Do I trust You Lord? When I heard that song I thought "God is with him- he'll be OK" So it is now.
It is so so so hard for me to confront people I love! So much easier to confront those I don't even like. I never enjoyed spanking my kids. What kind of sick person enjoys that? It is unpleasant and I don't like it. But it's called "Tough love"- It's called "boundaries" and God wants us to have them!
I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why.
I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die.
I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain!
You were God before, and You'll never change.
She does a medley of both songs here: Twila Paris-Warrior is a Child/Do I Trust You?
"The moment that can nudge a relationship toward healthy change is the moment you decide you've had enough." (From an article I found on Codependency on WebMD)
Hans Christian Andersen (who wrote "The Little Mermaid") said, “Where words fail, music speaks.” and it's so true- And singing God's praises every Sunday morning in choir is like therapy for me. Last Sunday we sang Kristian Stanfill's, "In Christ Alone" and a song we all love that one of Mark's relatives wrote, it goes, "I will not fear, God you are with me, I know You're near, your name is Mighty, I will trust in You alone..."
2-12-14 Oh I found another! All the People Said 'Amen' by Matt MaherYou are not alone if you are lonely
When you're feeling frail, you're not the only
We are all the same in need of mercy
To be forgiven and be free
It's all you got to lean on
But thank God it's all you need
This was in one of my devos for February 1st:
"This thing is from Me" I Kings 12:24 "My child I have a message for you today; let me whisper it in your ear, that it may gild with glory any storm clouds which may arise, and smooth the rough places upon which you may have to tread. It is short, only five words, but let them sink into your inmost soul; use them as a pillow upon which to rest your weary head. This thing is from ME."
"Have you ever thought of it, that all that concerns you concerns Me too? For 'he that touches you touches the apple of My eye' (Zech.2:8). You are very precious in My sight. (Isa. 43:4) Therefore it is My special delight to educate you."
"Are you in difficult circumstances, surrounded by people who do not understand you, who never consult your taste, who put you in the background? This thing is from Me. I am the God of circumstances. Thou camest not to thy place by accident, it is the very place God meant for thee."
"Have you not asked to be made humble? See then, I have placed you in the very school where this lesson is taught: your surroundings and companions are only working out My will."
"Are you in money difficulties? It is hard to make both ends meet? This thing is from Me, for I am your purse- bearer and would have you draw from and depend upon Me. My supplies are limitless. (Phil. 4:19)...."- Laura A. Barter Snow. I got this from, "Streams in the Desert" compiled by Mrs. Charles Cowman
Wait. I will not overtry your spiritual strength. You are both like two persons, helpless on a raft in mid-ocean. But, lo! there cometh towards you One walking on the waters, like unto the Son of Man. When He comes and you receive Him, it will be with you, as it was with My Disciples when I was on earth, that straightway you will be at the place where you would be.
All your toil in rowing and all your activity could not have accomplished the journey so soon. Oh, wait and trust. Wait, and be not afraid. February 11th, "God Calling"
Wait on the Lord, and keep his way. Psalm 37:34
For they shall not be ashamed who wait for Me. Isaiah 49:23
For I will contend with him who contends with you, And I will save your children. Isaiah 49:25
For I am poor and needy, And my heart is wounded within me. Psalm 109:22
They have also surrounded me with words of hatred, And fought against me without a cause. In return for my love they are my accusers, But I give myself to prayer. Psalm 109:3-4
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act.~ Psalm 37:7
The One Story House
You make me mad
You're just like dad!
Should I "laugh out loud"?
In the stillness so proud?
Are you a rock?
Exasperating is what you are!
Strong and silent
I'm losing my patience
There it went
Can I save this marriage alone
Out here on my own?
His heart is in a box- locked
He's just like Spock!
Should I stay or should I go?
Do you even care? Or no?
I'm giving up
I'm giving the ultimatum
I can recite the mean words verbatim
I will never marry ever again
You've taught me how to be alone without a friend
I've learned how to fend for myself
But I am NOT alone!
My King doesn't leave me on my own
He's the God of Angel Armies
They are always all around me
So I'll sit here with them in the stillness-
When you're ready.....
I'll be right here.....
Inspired by Third Day, Simon and Garfunkel, Irene Cara, The Clash, Christina Aguilera, A Great Big World, Chris Tomlin and Selena Gomez
From my poetry book, The Seven Story Tree
I don't have to be afraid of the Dark or the Storms because He never leaves me!
August 25, 2014- I used to think the worst thing in life is to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel all alone. Robin Williams