Wednesday, July 24, 2013
Julia Roberts from the movie, "Runaway Bride"
Oh that I had wings like a dove, I’d fly away and be at peace! Indeed, I would wander far off, And remain in the wilderness. I would hasten my escape from the windy storm and tempest. David (Psalm 55:6-8)
This is not what I asked
Not what I prayed for
Are you listening now?
'Cause all that I've built,
All that I've bled for
Is coming undone
But what if it had to be broken
Before my heart could be open?
Maybe the shattered parts
Are the places where Your love starts
And now I am closer to where You are
With every beat of my broken heart
Every Beat of my broken heart .....Hawk Nelson
Writer's block? What's that? What I have is....hmmmmm? What to call it? "Writer's avalanche"? "Writer's overflow"?:
My heart is overflowing with a good theme;
I recite my composition concerning the King;
My tongue is the pen of a ready writer. Psalm 45:1
My mind is a swarm, a runaway pony. I wrote about that before: An Unquiet Mind
My problem is having the time and discipline to sit down and organize my thoughts. Come on Susan! FOCUS! Lord, what should I write? I ask. Is this to blog about? Is this for the book? Sometimes I even say, "Lord, I don't want to tell them THAT, do I have to?" Like some posts I've wrote already, I hesitate to even "share" again! Like can I "delete" that Lord? Or at least let it remain "buried" in my archives. God says, "No, there was a reason I had you write that and you need to REMEMBER"
For instance, He's the King of my heart: The King of Hearts
Vulnerability. Humility. Accountability = Victory! How IRONIC! Another True Story: Oh The Irony!
He loves me!: He Loves You Snow Much More
Stop cliff hanging! Cliff Hangers, Pot Stirrers and the Itsy Bitsy Spider
Bob and I were "meant to be": Love Story
I am forgetful- my kids know this- so they remind me about things they want me to remember. Many times I'll write on my hand what I need to remember; like that I have laundry to put in the washer or dryer, that I have to go to the store or pay a bill etc. It's absolutely terrible when I forget to pick up my kid from somewhere! I mean what kind of mother forgets her child?! This is also in the Bible: Can a woman forget her nursing child, And not have compassion on the son of her womb? Isaiah 49:15
I remember once having three Rs on my hand for; Recycling, Returning the library books and...I can't remember what the third one was. lol
But Zion said, “The Lord has forsaken me, And my Lord has forgotten me.” Isaiah 49:14
A couple Saturdays ago I was hopelessly forlorn (I was crying) and driving on and on into the night. Why?! I forgot....all God has said to me!
I can barely stand right now.
Everything is crashing down,
And I wonder where You are.
I try to find the words to pray.
I don't always know what to say,
But You're the one that can hear my heart.
The Afters, "Broken Hallelujah"
I was listening to the Devil's lies and taunts, "No one cares about you" "Look no one's even calling you or texting you." "Your family doesn't care about you or even misses you and you don't even have any friends" "None of your children respect you. They think you're an idiot" "There's no hope" "You'll never publish a book, ha, your gona go bankrupt" "Your son is mine and he'll be just like your dead brothers" The devil is a LIAR. I was also listening to the wrong music which was discouraging me. Yeah, Bob's just gona stand there and watch me burn cause I like the way it hurts! (Rihanna & Eminem). Why am I listening to that?! I drove north and was going to turn around if someone called me, no one called. I got to Marietta and thankfully, "came to my senses" realized my head was in the wrong place, turned around and headed home, thankful that Bob and I are NOT like Rihanna and Eminem otherwise our house would've burnt down long ago!
How can I forget all the wonderful words- That I really believe are from God to me? Why was I in my closet a few weeks ago? Curled up in a ball, crying?
You know the things that have brought me here.
You know the story of every tear.
‘Cause You've been here from the very start.
Just because my son was smoking cigarettes which reminded me of my brothers. Because I FORGOT the verse He gave me says:
Refrain your voice from weeping,
And your eyes from tears;
For your work shall be rewarded, says the Lord,
And they shall come back from the land of the enemy.
There is hope in your future, says the Lord,
That your children shall come back to their own border. Jeremiah 31:16-17
I feel I can relate to David (see verse above) in the Bible or Jeremiah who was called "The weeping prophet":
See, Lord, how distressed I am! I am in torment within,
and in my heart I am disturbed, for I have been most rebellious. Outside, the sword bereaves; inside, there is only death. Lamentations 1:20
He has hedged me in so that I cannot get out; He has made my chain heavy.
Even when I cry and shout, He shuts out my prayer. He has blocked my ways with hewn stone; He has made my paths crooked. Lamentations 3:7-9
Remember my affliction and roaming, The wormwood and the gall. My soul still remembers And sinks within me. This I recall to my mind, Therefore I have hope. Lamentations 3: 19-21
You know what forgetting about God does to me? It makes me lose my hope! Some years ago I bought some Superman S earrings at Six Flaggs. I didn't buy them because I think I'm super but because there are two S's for "Susan Story" I do strive to do my best at what I do, which is being a good wife and mother. I've been wearing those earrings lately, since seeing the "Man of Steel" movie and hearing that it's not an S- it's a symbol of HOPE.
I've learned something from my night I spent running away. I should've stayed home and read my own blog! Running
Also Seven Steps to Victory: But What if I Stumble? Because this is warfare! Duh!
I did start jogging again when I became stressed. Bob is OK with it, as long as I stretch first and my feet are OK. And when I jog I listen to music, praise music, some secular (positive) music, just the good stuff. I realized that whatever you are struggling with, be it alcohol or drugs, food, sex...if you are "Cliff hanging" (See my post-the link is above) and the crisis comes (The STRESS), there's a good chance of you falling off that cliff! I am thankful that God says He won't let you be tempted beyond what you are able to bear. (I Corinthians 10:13) And He answers my prayer when I say, "God, every time I see that person, I say (or do) the wrong thing and if I'm gona do that Lord, let me NOT see them." Amen. And I'm also glad He forgives me when I mess up. (I John 1:9)
The other night I noticed what I see when I run to the corner is something else I need to remember: THE TREE! Worn and the Seven Story Tree
The Bible has tons to say about what we are to REMEMBER and what we are to FORGET. Here are just a few of the many verses about it:
Joseph called the name of the firstborn Manasseh: “For God has made me forget all my toil and all my father’s house.” Genesis 41:51 Note: God later has Joseph purposely REMEMBER "his father's house" yet FORGIVE his brother's for selling him into slavery.(See: Genesis 50)
And you shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth, that He may establish His covenant which He swore to your fathers, as it is this day. Deuteronomy 8:18
And you forget the Lord your Maker, Who stretched out the heavens And laid the foundations of the earth; You have feared continually every day Because of the fury of the oppressor, When he has prepared to destroy. Isaiah 51:13
Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed; Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame; For you will forget the shame of your youth, And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore. Isaiah 54:4
Can a virgin forget her ornaments, Or a bride her attire? Yet My people have forgotten Me days without number. Jeremiah 2:32
I got this from Francis AnFuso:
Habits That Will Change Your Life
Here are three habits that will change your life: First, come into God’s presence every day. The key to an effective prayer life is to “just show up.” And when you show up, stay there long enough to create a memory. Satan can’t steal a memory of God’s presence. Second, read the Word of God, the Bible, consistently. Ask God to open the eyes of your understanding so that what your head reads, impacts your heart. And number three. Plan your day. List seven things that you’re committed to do today. Why? Because structure creates growth! The Bible says, “…continue in the things which you have learned and been assured of…you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” (2 Timothy 3:14-15, NKJV)
I will delight myself in Your statutes; I will not forget Your word. Psalm 119:16
You are my hiding place and my shield; I hope in Your word. Psalm 119:114
When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches,
For You have been my help, And in the shadow of Your wings I sing for joy.
My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me. Psalm 63: 6-8
So on that Sunday morning as the sun was rising, I pulled my sequoia into my garage, went upstairs and went to bed, REPEATEDLY telling myself I needed to FORGET the Devil's lies and REMEMBER MY REDEEMER:
Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
“The Lord is my portion,” says my soul,
“Therefore I hope in Him!”
The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
To the soul who seeks Him.
It is good that one should hope and wait quietly
For the salvation of the Lord.
It is good for a man to bear
The yoke in his youth.
Let him sit alone and keep silent,
Because God has laid it on him;
Let him put his mouth in the dust—
There may yet be hope. Lamentations 3:22-33
Surely they may forget,
Yet I will not forget you.
See, I have inscribed you on the palms of My hands;
Your walls are continually before Me. Isaiah 49:15-16
For I will contend with him who contends with you,
And I will save your children...
All flesh shall know
That I, the Lord, am your Savior,
And your Redeemer, the Mighty One of Jacob. Isaiah 49:25-26
Why am I always drawn to you?
Cause I'm a broken person too?
Why do I think that I can fix you?
You just hurt me and I hurt you too
Manipulation, lies and games...
I no longer want to play.
I'm learning about myself from day to day
My Great Physician heals all ills
He even created doctors who prescribe pills
He loves you just the way you are
He loves you with all your scars
He was broken for our sin
But you have to let Him in
He can heal your broken heart
But you must give Him every part
For all these poems and more buy my first book! "The Seven Story Tree; A book of Poetry"
Of course this is all my fault,
Eve had two sons, one killed the other,
She must have been a terrible mother!
Esau was his father's favorite,
But Jacob was a "Mama's boy"
Of course they didn't get along,
Leave them alone and they'll come home,
Jacob did but his mom was gone,
Having favorites is not wise,
Just read about Joseph (Genesis 37:4)
He was despised,
Train them up in the way they should go,
Your work shall be rewarded,
Trust God with them,
He loves them even more than you.
Don't give in to wrong behavior,
Love must be tough.
Show them you love them enough to say, "No"
When they are old they will not depart.
Keep loving Him with all your heart.
God had a prodigal son too,
Didn't you know that son was you!
I wrote a poem later called, "Remember the Redeemer's Rainbow" which goes well with this post; See: Video Bible Study-Storms Part II